


Gwaine vs. The Green Knight

by PopRocks42



Series: Adventures of Gwaine [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 21:49:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PopRocks42/pseuds/PopRocks42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In his defense, he was drunk, very drunk. And Arthur and Lancelot were going to accept the challenge, and he didn't want to see them die. Because that would be bad, and then Merlin would be sad because he's in love with Arthur. And Lancelot would be dead. And Lancelot dying was just about the worst thing that could ever happen.</p><p>Gwaine pines and tries to die (but isn't suicidal). Lancelot's the epitome of goodness. Elyan's recovering. And Arthur and Merlin have odd ways of showing affection.</p><p>And trees are mean.</p><p>Can be read separately from the series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gwaine vs. The Green Knight

There was a feast in full swing, it was a special one, one of the ones that was happening more often. Merlin sat on one side of Arthur, and Gwen on the other, with Leon next to her. It was an odd seating arrangement that had caused a lot of confusion when first implemented, but lately no one even batted an eyelash. But that was not the important part of the feast. The important part was that the feast was that it was in Gwaine's honor.

Well, technically it was in the honor of him and Lancelot and Merlin and Percival, but no one was willing to tell Gwaine that. He had been so excited when he heard that there was a feast in his honor, no one wanted to ruin it by telling him it was not in honor of just him. The reason for the feast was that just four days before, Gwaine and Merlin and Percival had saved Elyan, stopped Morgana and brought Lancelot back to life. (Though the last part was really only Gwaine). So because the feast was supposedly in Gwaine's honor he showed his appreciation by not getting too drunk, and not flirting too much with the ladies. Though the last part was simply because it was not a lady he wanted to flirt with, it was really just an adorable ad nice and brave kn-no. No. Bad. 

It was while Gwaine was laughing about ducks with Percival that a man with green chain mail on a green horse burst through the castle windows. Gwaine stood in awe, not going for his sword like the other knights had, to instead wonder about how the man found a green horse.

So maybe he was a little drunk.

The Green Knight jumped off from his horse and approached the head table. He ripped off his green gauntlet and threw it at the table in front of Arthur. The entire room was silent. Arthur made to grab it, but Merlin grabbed his arm and pulled him back. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Gwaine saw Lancelot standing up from his chair on the other side of the room and going to retrieve the gauntlet. Even Gwaine's ale addled brain could figure out that Lancelot picking up the gauntlet was a bad idea. 

“I challenge you, King Arthur,” the Green Knight said in a grave voice “To a game. Do you accept my challenge?”

Arthur ripped his arm out of Merlin's grasp “Yes, I accept.” he went to grab the gauntlet at the same time that Lancelot started to race to his side of the room.

Gwaine's haze allowed one thing to become clear to him. If Lancelot picked up the gauntlet, he was most likely going to die. And if Arthur picked up the gauntlet and died, and, well that would not be good either. Gwaine did not like that prospect of his friends dying, at all, so he did what all drunken Gwaine's do.

“Wait!” Gwaine yelled, jumping out of his seat, directing everyone's attention to himself, he wobbled a bit in place and then went on “Ummm...you cannot be here. This is a very private party, only open to people who like me.” someone snorted in the background “I don't know you, therefore you can't like me, so you can't be here.”

He was slightly proud of how clearly he was thinking when he had, had two mugs of ale.

The Green Knight stared at him, through the eye slits of his mask, Gwaine could see his eyes narrow “I am here to challenge the King to a duel, you are no more than a lowly Knight, this is not your place.

Well, rude.

“Is too.” Gwaine replied, and then grinned. Everyone stared at him like they expected him to say something else, and then after a pregnant pause he added “I am the Princess's knight, and there for his business is my business. But you know, not his knight in that way, I just work for him. And we're friends. Sort of. He hits me a lot.”

If that confused the Green Knight he did not show it. Instead he ignored Gwaine and turned back to Arthur “I, the Green Knight, challenge you to a duel.”

Gwaine cut in again “No you don't.”

“Yes I do.” the Green Knight grit out, his hand reaching for his sword.

“Nope, you can't. You need to get clearance with Merlin first. Only then can you do anything to Arthur. He's the only person allowed to kill Arthur. He told me that himself.”

It was clear the Green Knight was getting fed up with him and wanted to chop off his head. And he would have if Arthur had not intervened. 

Arthur growled, “Would someone please restrain him?” he asked, and Percival got up to comply to his directions, but as soon as he got too close to Gwaine, he darted away from him

“No!” he yelled, running over to the head table, “I shall not be restrained!”

Percival chased him around the table “Gwaine, this is for your own good! You're acting like an idiot!”

“I always act like an idiot!” Gwaine announced proudly jumping over a table.

Arthur nodded in agreement “Yes, yes he does. If everyone could please just ignore this affront to Knights everywhere, I would greatly appreciate it.”

Gwaine laughed maniacally and picked up someones glass of ale and chugged it while still running. He threw it out the broken window and yelled “Never! I shall never be restrained!”

Leon got up and started to chase him as well, but Gwaine ran around the table and weaved and turned and eventually made Leon and Percival run into each other. “Ta da!' he announced, with jazz hand in the direction of the two of them in a heap on the floor.

Leon groaned on the floor, and Gwen looked over, to see if her was hurt too much. Gwaine peered at them, they looked fine. Well, they weren't bleeding. That was good enough for him. But then again, they were both built like brick houses, it would probably hurt a lot t run into one of them.

Almost as much as that one time when he-right. Focus. He's focused. Ooh, apple.

Gwaine reached out and picked up an apple and bit into it loudly. The entire hall stared at him, wondering what he was going to do next. But he had forgotten what was going on and was instead focusing on the apple. It was a little too sour for his tastes.

Arthur rolled his eyes at Gwaine antics and turned to the Green Knight “I accept your chal-hey!”

Gwaine had picked up the gauntlet and stuck his tongue out at Arthur “Ha I've got the ga-ga- I accepted the challenge!” he then turned to Lancelot who was staring at him with a mixture of shock and fear “Now you can't get it and die. I get to die. So ha.” he turned to the Green Knight “I, the Awesome, Handsome, Brave, Knight of Camelot, Sir Gwaine, accept you challenge.” he paused “What is your challenge?”

Both Leon and Percival picked themselves off the floor and moved to stand next to Gwaine, not sure what to do. They could not figure out if they should just stand next to him to make sure he did not do any further dumb acts, or tackle him and somehow stop what was going on. Though knowing Gwaine he would just make a dirty remark about them all being together on the floor, which would just embarrass everyone further. But Gwaine did not pay attention to them anyways.

During this entire exchange the Green Knight had not moved, he said in his gravelly, and slightly grating voice “You will attempt to chop off my head with one fell blow of your sword. If I die, you win and a present will come to you in three days. If I do not die, then I get to do the same to you in a place of my choosing, in two days time.”

Gwaine nodded “Seems fair. Not a very fun game though. No excitement, what do you say we do chess instead? I've been practicing with Lancelot lately, and he says I've been getting better.”

Arthur banged his head on the table while Lancelot shouted out from the back “I've been letting you win!”

Gwaine gave him a look of surprise “What! No! That's sneaky Lovey Lancey,” Lancelot blushed, but Gwaine went on “I didn't know you had it in you. That's hot. You should be sneaky more often.” Lancelot blushed deeper.

“The challenge, Sir Gwaine.” the Green Knight called Gwaine's attention back to him.

“Right. Chop your head off, got it.” Gwaine pulled Leon's sword out of the scabbard and brought it down on the Knights neck, cutting it off in one fell swoop, and watched as it bounced and rolled around on the floor. He looked up and grinned at the stunned room “The bad man's dead, thanks to yours truly. On with the merriment! No need to thank me, all in a good days work, for a Knight of Camelot, although a kiss from Lancey would not be unwanted”

Lancelot groaned and held his head in his hands “Someone please shut him up.”

“Look!” Gwen cried, pointing at the Green Knight, who's headless body had just started walking to retrieve his head from the corner of the room.

Gwaine jumped up and down, pointing at the Green Knight “Do you see that? Do you see that? He's a zombie! Holy-A zombie! Percival save me!” he yelled, running behind Percival, who rolled his eyes at him.

The Green Knight picked up his head and placed it firmly onto his neck and turned to face Gwaine again “Meet me in the clearing in two days time. I suggest you start moving now.” And with that he hopped onto his horse and galloped through the hole he had previously made, into the night.

“How will I know which clearing to meet you in?” Gwaine called after him, he frowned when he received no response “Fine, don't tell me. Zombies are rude. So who wants to feast? Do you?” he asked, pointing at a random man, “I think you do. Percival, hand me the chicken.”

Arthur glared at him and whispered something to Gwen who nodded and stood up, “The feast will continue, on with the music.”

The party attendees nervously went back to the feast. Arthur got up from his seat and walked over to Gwaine who was grinning widely at him. He then cuffed him in the back of the head and dragged him out of the room by his ear.

“Ow! That actually hurts Princess!”

“Shut up Gwaine!” Arthur barked.

Lancelot, Percival and Merlin followed the two in silence. They continued on, until they got to the round table room, where Arthur threw Gwaine in and then followed him furiously.

Gwaine rubbed his ear “I don't get what you're mad about Princess. I just saved your life, and Lance's and most likely Merlin's. You should throw me another party. This time have dancers. The smaller ones, some of the tall ones are taller than me an-”

“Shut up, you drunken fool!”

Gwaine frowned and slurred “Hey, I am not a fool.”

Merlin cut in “Arthur, I don't think it would be of any use to try to talk to him now, he's obviously drunk.”

Gwaine bristled “I'm not drunk, you're drunk!”

Merlin pointed at Gwaine in a way to say 'see what I mean'.

“And him being drunk right now, is different from the state he's in at all times, how?” Arthur bit back and turned to Gwaine “You idiot! That was my challenge.”

Gwaine swayed and leaned on Arthur for support and looked into his eyes, his face uncomfortably close to Arthur's “Yes, well now it's not. Finders keeper, loser weepers, yada yada, so on, so forth.” He turned his head “Did anyone else see that squirrel outside of the window?”

“Get off of me.” Arthur growled, Percival prying Gwaine off of him. Gwaine then latched onto Percival. Arthur continued “You are so insuffera-”

“Seriously, it just went by again. Does no one else see the squirrel. Oooh.” he said feeling Percival's chest “You have serious muscles. What is that, an eight pack? You guys have got to feel this.”

Percival began to look uncomfortably at the others, so Lancelot pried Gwaine off of him, letting Gwaine attach himself to him, with a noticeable blush on his cheeks. He cleared his throat and motioned at Arthur “You can talk now.”

Arthur ran a hand through his hair, “It doesn't matter, he won't remember me yelling at him, in the morning anyways.”

Merlin clapped for him “Is that you learning how to control you temper? I'm proud of you.” he grinned.

“Shut up, Merlin.” Arthur growled.

Merlin held up his hands in surrender, is smirk still in place. He then turned serious “But what are we going to do?”

Arthur frowned at him “What do you mean, do?

Merlin turned to Lancelot and Percival for support, but both just looked at him blankly, “You know, to save Gwaine. There's no way he's going to survive the game.”

Percival nodded “I think we should find a way to keep him alive. Maybe a new type of armor?”

Arthur looked at the two like they were idiots “We don't do anything. He entered a game, he has to play fair and follow through with his end of the deal.”

Merlin frowned “I don't like that option. If we let him go, then he dies.”

“Maybe I can come back and haunt Lancey.” Gwaine announced, snuggling into Lancelot's shoulder, trying to find a comfortable spot.

“Not funny.” Lancelot frowned, “You'll be dead. Not everyone comes back as a ghost.”

“I would come back as a ghost for you.” Gwaine retorted.

Lancelot adopted a a pained expression to his face.

Percival coughed awkwardly, trying to break the awkward tension that come from that and spoke up, “We can't let him go. There's not way for him to survive. He's my friend, I don't want to see him dead.”

“Aww, I love you too, Percy.”

“Not now, Gwaine.” Percival sighed.

“We can't do anything.” Arthur instructed, looking intently at Merlin, Lancelot and Percival.

“Arthur, he'll die.” Merlin pleaded.

“At least then we'll get some quiet around here.” Arthur replied.

“Not nice, Princess.” Gwaine mumbled, from his place, with hie head in the crook of Lancelot's neck, “You smell nice, Lancey. What soap do you use? Can you lend it to me? Although I' not sure I would use it properly. Maybe you should help me with-”

Lancelot covered his mouth with his hand, blushing furiously and looked pleadingly at the the others who were all in various stages of laughing at him “He's not usually like this.”

Merlin decided to be the nice one and ignore what had just happened “We have to help him Arthur.”

Arthur deflated, and looked the part of the worried friend, that he was “I wish we could. But we can't. The best we can do is send him to bed so he can get a full night's rest before his journey.”

Gwaine licked Lancelot's hand, making him pull it back and grinned at Arthur, “Can Lancey come to my bed with me?”

Lancelot blushed even deeper and grabbed Gwaine by the shoulders “I'll just put him to bed now. A little help, Percival”

“Ooh, a threesome. I'm into that. But not with Percival, that would make our friendship awkward. We should invite one of the maids instead...” Gwaine's voice trailed off as he was lead down the corridor and to his chambers.

Merlin and Arthur stood alone, in the hallway together. Arthur turned to Merlin and raised an eyebrow, “Don't do anything stupid, Merlin.”

And with that he walked down the hallway and disappeared from view. As soon as he did that Merlin turned and ran after Lancelot and Leon.

\- - - - - 

When Gwaine woke up, the next day, he noticed a few things. One of these was that he had a not so bad hangover. The second was that he had hit on Lancelot a lot the night before. The third was that he had accepted a game where he could die, to protect Lancelot, but that by doing this, and losing that he was going to die, which would then, in turn kill Lancelot due to their whole bonded in death thing. The fourth and final thing he realized was that he was in the dungeons, shackled to a wall.

As is to be expected, he did not take this well.

Gwaine ran up to the bars of the cell and started shouting “Help! Help! I'm stuck in here! Someone help me! Hello? Anyone there? Really? Guards!” There was no reply and Gwaine sat down on the ground, frowning “I really hate zombies.”

“I know.” Merlin replied, stepping out of the shadows “You do realize it's a very odd fear, right? You do know it's not normal?”

“Merlin!” Gwaine exclaimed, scrambling off the floor and running up to the bars “You have got to get me out of here.”

Merlin shook his head “I can't. If I do that, then you'll just go off and fight the Green Knight.”

Gwaine nodded “Yes, I will. I need to do that. So if you could just open the cell so I could go off and hold up my end of the deal, I'd appreciate it a lot.”

Merlin frowned at him, giving him the patented Merlin 'I care about you and know best and am a bleeding heart so you have to listen to me, or I'll tell Arthur on you, and he'll make you sorry' look. “If you do that, you'll die.”

Gwaine nodded slowly “Yes, probably, most likely, glad we both understand that. Now, please, open the cell door.”

“I'm not going to let you go and get yourself killed!” Merlin exploded at him, throwing his hands up in frustration.

“Why not?” Gwaine asked, curiously.

He mentally slapped himself. Why did he ask that? Did he have a secret masochistic streak? He probably didn't want him to die because it would offend his good and nice sensibilities. Yeah, that's it. Not that he was his friend or anything. After all, you tell your friends your secrets, right? Secrets like being a warlock. He was getting sidetracked.

He looked back at Merlin to see him giving him an incredulous stare. One that Gwaine interpreted to mean 'because I'm a good person'.

“Right.” Gwaine said “You don't like seeing people die.”

Merlin's look softened “I don't like seeing my friends die.”

Gwaine's head snapped up, “We're friends?” he scoffed internally, friends trusted each other.

No. Stop. Merlin had the right to not tell him secrets. Even he wouldn't trust himself with secrets. He gets drunk too often and talks too much, he would inevitable let the secret slip. Merlin was probably making a very smart decision not telling him.

Merlin laughed, thinking it was a joke, wounding Gwaine ever so slightly “If you're just going to go off and get yourself killed if I let you out, I'm not letting you out.” he then went and retrieved a tray of food from the other side of the room and slipped it through the bars, to Gwaine “I brought you food, get comfortable, you're staying here until you stop trying to go off and kill yourself.”

Gwaine snorted, like that was ever going to happen.

Merlin turned and left the room, leaving Gwaine to sit on the floor and play with the hay that made up the bed in the cell. He started methodically plucking out pieces of hay, separating them into piles, thinking about how he was going to keep up his end of the bargain without killing Lancelot. The Green Knight obviously had magic, so maybe he could place a spell that would allow him to kill Gwaine and not Lancelot. The only problem was, he was not sure if that was possible. It would be really nice if he had a book that summed up all things warlocks could do, in a neatly written way.

Maybe he could ask Merlin to write one. But then he would have to go through telling Merlin he knew about his magic, and that would not be a fun thing to do. It would probably involve Merlin crying and trying to hug him. And though his hugs were nice they were not as good as Lancelo-

No. Bad. Not a good train of thought. Besides Lancelot did not want o give him a hug. Even after teasing him about how his kisses weren't good (which they totally were) he refused to flirt with him any more. At best he simply tolerated Gwaine now. He would always look away whenever Gwaine flirted with him and would always sigh exasperatedly when Gwaine would try and tell him about his fun adventures. 

Definitely not the signs of someone who liked him.

Before Gwaine could continue with his depressing line of thought, a green light appeared right in front of his face.

“What the-” he started, only to be hit in the nose by the green light “Ow! What's your problem?”

Th green light then went over the the lock and slipped inside of it. There was a notable click when the door unlocked and then swung open. Gwaine stared at it, his mouth agape, he pointed at it “How did you do that?”

The green light moved away from him, going down the corridor. Gwaine scrambled to his feet and stumbled behind the light. He followed it out of the dungeons and out of the castle, without anyone seeing him. He idly wondered how the light knew where everyone was and was able to avoid them completely. But he did not wonder about it for long because the light soon lead him right in front of the stables, where Lancelot and Percival were inside. 

He made to just go inside, but the light hit him in the stomach, knocking the breath out of him. He glared at the light “What was that for?”

The light burned brighter, undoubtedly mad at him.

“What? You don't want me to go in there? Why not?” Gwaine frowned “Lance and Percy are my friends, they'll let me borrow a horse.”

The light hit him again.

Gwaine held up his hands in surrender “Fine, I won't ask them. What if I distract them and go in and take he horse? Are you okay with that?” he braced himself, but the light did not hit him again so he figured that it was a yes.

He picked up a rock and threw it at a bush, where it made a loud thud. 

He heard from the inside, “Did you hear that?”

“Yeah, someone might be trying to steal the horses.”

“I hope it's not another wannabe sorcerer. Why do they always think that it's a good idea for them to steal a horse, to show their power? It doesn't make sense.”

Sure enough, both Lancelot and Percival came out and went to inspect the noise. Gwaine slipped in at the same time that they left, and walked down the stable, inspecting the horses. He went for his favorite, Milky, but the light hit him when he went to mount it.

“What? Milky's my favorite. If I have to go off and die, I want to at least ride to death on my favorite horse.”

The green light went over to the stinkiest horse in the stable. Gwaine wrinkled his nose “You have got to be kidding me. Why?”

The light hit him in the face again.

“Would you stop that? Oh, I get it. If I take my horse then Merlin will know I left. Fine. Although you should know that he'll realize that I left when he goes down to the cell, and I'm not there.” the light hit him again “Fine, fine, you're right. If I stole my horse then he would figure it out sooner. This had better be worth it. If I end up smelling like horse crap, I blame you.”

Two minutes later Gwaine burst through the back of the stables, riding the stinkiest horse in Camelot, laughing like a madman, with a green light trailing after him. The villagers that saw him pass by all stared in wonderment, but were not too surprised that it was him who was doing the crazy stuff. He was, after all, Sir Gwaine. They had heard about him talking to dead people. It was not too surprising that he a pet ball of green light.

Some did think he was doing sorcery, but then corrected themselves. He was Sir Gwaine, he was too drunk to do sorcery. But then again, people did pick up odd things from hanging out at taverns too much. But nah- he would have been to drunk to learn anything.

But then again, his hair was unnaturally shiny.

\- - - - - 

About an hour after Gwaine broke out, Merlin went down to the dungeon and saw an empty cell. He panicked and dropped the apple he had taken down as a peace offering. He looked around frantically, trying to figure out where Gwaine had gone. He was so busy searching for Gwaine that he did not notice Arthur walk up behind him.

Arthur tapped him on the shoulder and caught his hand as it went to punch him. Arthur released his hand and looked at Merlin suspiciously.

“What are you doing?”

“Umm...inspecting the cells.”

Arthur rose an eyebrow “You're...inspecting the cells. What for?”

“Woodworm?”

“Is that a question?”

“No?”

Arthur frowned “Answer me truthfully, what are you doing, Merlin?”

“I really am inspecting the cells for woodworm. You don't want your prisoners getting woodworm in their hair, do you?”

“Merlin.” Arthur sighed, like he was talking to a severely mentally challenged child “Woodworm doesn't go into people's hair, we have no prisoners and you brought down an apple. Woodworms don't like apples. If they did, then they would be called apple worms. But they're not. So they don't. So either you tell me what's going on or I impose a law banning as neck scarves in the kingdom.”

Merlin clutched at his scarf “You wouldn't.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow “You want to try me?”

Merlin sighed and scratched the back of his head, nervously “I might have locked Gwaine in one of the cell so he couldn't go off and meet up with the Green Knight.” he flinched, waiting for Arthur to yell at him, but the yelling never came.

“Locking someone up to keep them from getting themselves hurt. That's a good idea.” Arthur replied.

“Really?” Merlin asked, looking at Arthur distrustfully.

“Yeah. In fact, I think I'll do that right now.” Arthur replied, grabbing Merlin roughly and throwing him into one of the cells and locking it behind him.

“Hey!” Merlin yelled, running up to the bars and glaring at Arthur “You can't do that!”

Arthur glowered at him “Yes I can, I'm your king, I can do whatever I want. Besides, it's for your own good. If you went off after Gwaine you'd just get yourself, and him killed. And don't pretend that you wouldn't, because you would. It's better this way. Think of it as a forced vacation.” With that he walked away, whistling.

Merlin leaned back in his cell and sent a mental message to Lancelot, telling him that Gwaine had gotten away, and to tell Percival. He then settled in and decided to wait at least an hour before he made his escape.

\- - - - - 

Gwaine tromped through the forest, having left his horse tied to a tree a while back, following the ball of green light. He hacked away at vines, with his sword, when they got in his way and occasionally tripped over branches. It was incredibly boring, and he tried to alleviate the dullness by doing what he did best, talking.

“I mean, I know that I can be really annoying and talkative and drunk and promiscuous and that I don't take things seriously enough and that my flirting can sometime get on peoples nerves- you know, I'm not surprised they don't like me. With qualities like that, I'm surprised they even tolerate me. Wow. This whole talking my feelings out thing, really works. I should try it more often. You know what, you're a really good listener. We should hang out more often.”

The green light made a buzzing sound and Gwaine backtracked.

“Or not, we don't have to hang out. I mean, I can't really blame you, I wouldn't want to hang out with me either. Like I was saying earlier I get on my nerves too-WOAH!” the last part of his sentence was punctuated with a scream as a branch wrapped itself around his leg and pulled him, upside down, into the air.

Gwaine swung around, trying to get himself out of the vice like grip the branch had on him. He took his sword out of it's scabbard and hacked away at the branch, falling to the ground with a thump. He got up and looked around, to see that all the trees around him were becoming animated. He backed up slowly and then turned and ran in the opposite direction, the ball of light following him.

He glanced back and saw that the trees were following him. Their roots acting like legs and slamming to ground. They looked like really demented, gigantic spiders. 

It was a good thing that Percival wasn't there. He would freak out and probably curl up and die, on the spot. As they followed Gwaine, the bark on their trunks shifted and morphed to create faces. That as something he did not want to see. The faces were really pissed, he supposed they didn't like him cutting off the (arm?) of one of their fellow trees. He picked up speed and ran straight into another tree. 

He looked up and gulped. The tree had a sinister smirk on its' (face?) He really needed to stop focusing on that aspect. What he really needed to concentrate on as getting out alive, not figuring out whether or not trees had faces.

Wait.

Hold up.

If the trunks were the faces and the roots were the legs and the branches were the arms...then where was their hair? Were the top branches their hair? Gwaine peered up at the top of the tree and saw the leaves on the branches. So...the leaves were their hair?

No way.

The trees had better hair than him.

No freaking way.

“Well, hello there. I think we should talk this out, I mean, you have great hair, I have great hair, thus we are both brothers in...hair.” the tree just grinned wider., Gwaine gulped and went on, in a small voice, “I don't suppose there's a way that we can work out our problems civilly, is there?”

The tree responded by picking him up and flinging him into the air. He fell to the ground at the tree's feet and stood up shakily “I'll take that as a no.”

He looked around, the trees had all surrounded him. There was no way he could run away from them. He motioned for the green ball of light to do something, but it just floated in the air. He couldn't help but think that it was utterly useless. Or that it hated him.

Probably the second one.

The tree, and others that had just arrived started trying to hit him with their branches. But he ducked and dodged and generally was able to stay away from them. He did get hit in the head a few times, and wondered if the experience was going to leave him with permanent brain damage. 

At least then he would have a reason for acting the way he did.

Finally the same tree picked him up again, and got ready to throw him again. “Not again.” he muttered, and was then promptly thrown in the air.

This time when he was in the air he had an idea. Falling down he stretched out his arms and grabbed onto the branch of another tree. He swung from it, to another tree and using the momentum from the fall to swing from one tree to the other, and so on, until he had gone through about six trees and was away from the animated trees.

He dropped to the ground and dusted himself off. It looked like he was safe, and that the green ball of light was nowhere in sight.

Typical. Useless ball of light.

He looked around, waiting for the light to come back to him. It was while he was doing this that he heard a very loud roar. He turned around slowly, bracing himself for what he was sure to face, behind him. Sure enough, when he turned he saw a man eating bear.

“Well that's just great.” he complained, sarcastically “I get away from the killer trees, only to come face to face with a man eating bear. And I don't even have my special 'man eating bear' sword. Can we reschedule this for when I don't have to go off to see a green man so he can chop off my head? How about I schedule you in for next week? Does Tuesday, next week, work for you?”

The bear roared in response.

“I'll take that as a no. That's too bad, we could have, had a glorious battle. You now, if I was still alive then. Really, it would have been great. But you give me no choice, I shall have to run away from you now.”

Gwaine then turned and started to run away. He ran through the trees, trying to make sure that he was not running back to where the moving trees were.

Who knew trees had so much rage?

As he ran around he heard the bear gaining on him. It roared every so often and would try and swipe at Gwaine. There was this one part when it swiped and actually caught a part of Gwaine's chain mail. It pulled him back and to the ground. He crawled backwards on the ground, trying to avoid its claws. It just swung at him randomly and got a little too close for comfort a few times. He grappled on the ground, looking for something to use.

A stick. He pulled it out and brandished it in front of the bear. No, not a stick, a freaking twig. The bear leaned back in fear, and then looked closely at the twig. It then promptly fell backwards and rolled around on the ground, laughing. That was emasculating, he had to make sure to leave that part out when he told his friends the story, in his afterlife. On a different note, it was all sort of surreal, he didn't even know bears could laugh.

He did use the bear laughing at him, to his advantage. He got up and started running right away. When the bear finally stopped laughing it realized that he was no longer there and let out an angry roar and then took off after him.

No matter how fast he ran, he knew the bear was faster. Maybe he could get the bear off his track? No. That would involve stopping for a period of time. If he did that the bear would eat him. Or laugh at him. He wasn't sure which option was worse.

He really did not want to get eaten (or laughed at). He tried to come up with a plan to get rid of the bear, but did not get too far into developing his plan. Because the next thing he knew he fell into a hole. It was one of the bear trap holes that hunters used to trap their prey. 

He laid on the floor of the hole for a short while, his entire body aching. Where the heck had the hole come from? Right. It had been camouflaged. He had been bested by a trap meant for bears. He felt dumb. At least the hole was relatively safe. Well, there always was the possibility of dying from starvation and dehydration and-so maybe it wasn't relatively safe. 

Gwaine stood up and glared at the opening of the hole. This was not his day. 

The bear came and growled at the opening of the hole, but did not go down to eat him. Gwaine was equally pleased with not being eaten and annoyed with being stuck in the hole. He and the bear had a staring match, until the bear finally wandered away, evidently thinking that Gwaine was one of the boring humans.

Which he was not. He was a fun human. He could show anyone a good time. Not a bear though, that would be gross. Yeah, he was going to stop thinking about that now. 

Gwaine settled into the hole and decided to wait until one of the hunters decided to check the hole for prey. He only hoped he would deal with a hunter that was not a cannibal. If they were a cannibal that would just be really bad luck on his part. Come to think of it, they probably were a cannibal. 

Just as he was about to fall asleep the green light appeared in front of his face and hit him on the forehead.

“What was that for?” he asked, rubbing his forehead “And where the heck were you? I get into some trouble and you abandon me? Thanks. I don't like you either.”

If the light could roll it's eyes it would have. Instead it just hit him again.

Gwaine frowned “What do you want? Oh, you want me to be quiet, fine. But only for a little-hey, are those footsteps I hear?” he began yelling “Hey! A little help down here! I'm stuck! I am a Knight of Camelot and I am in need of your assistance! If you get me out, I'll give you an apple! I don't actually have an apple with me, but I can get it for you later! Hello? Anyone?”

He turned to the ball of light “I really hope you didn't just have me yell for help to a deer. That would just be embarrassing. Like, more embarrassing than everything else that's happened today. Except for the whole me getting trapped by Merlin.”

He would have gone on talking, but at that moment a branch fell to the bottom of the hole. It was upright, and was in the perfect position from him climb up, to get out. 

Gwaine grinned and began climbing it “Thank you, mysterious helpful deer! You're a lot more help then this stupid ball of light. Yeah, that's right, I called you stupid. What are you going to do?”

The ball of light hit him again.

“Yeah, I guess you could do that.”

When Gwaine got to the top he looked to give a pat to the surprisingly helpful deer, but instead found a very human, person staring back at him.

“Lancelot? What are you-oh, no, don't tell me. You're here to kidnap me and put me in the cells again, so I can't go and play the game. Well, joke's on you. By helping me get out of the hole, you actually helped me go off and play the game. So ha. Take that. And you don't get an apple. Only helpful deer friends get apples.”

Lancelot raised an eyebrow at him and ignored the last part of his monologue. Come to think of it, a lot of people just ignored what he had to say. He would have to look into that later.

“I'm not here to take you back to the castle. I'm here to go on your journey with you. I figured you would want a friend to be with you, especially if you were going to die.”

Oh, well that was surprisingly sweet. Lancelot cared. That made a little bit in his chest knot up a bit and his heart to race.

Why was his heart racing? Did he have a heart condition. He would have to have Gaius look into it later. He couldn't go around with a malfunctioning heart, it could put him into serious danger. But he was going to die soon anyways, so what did that matter?

Lancelot grinned at him “And I brought you an apple.” he said, producing an apple from behind his back.

Where was he keeping that? No, it was probably best to not know.

Gwaine accepted the apple and looked at him suspiciously. Yep, he was definitely up to something. But hey, he brought an apple, so who cares. He would just have to slip away from him after eating the apple.

He took a bite of the apple.

Yeah, definitely after eating the apple. How did he find such good apples?

\- - - - - 

Percival wandered around the castle, looking for Elyan. Lancelot had told him about Gwaine escaping, and he knew that if they were going to force him to not do something, they would need as much firepower as possible. This meant getting all the help he could. Even if the help was in the form of Elyan, who was still recovering from the whole Morgana episode, just a few days earlier.

He finally spotted him leaning on a pillar, taking a nap while he was on guard duty. Even though he was sleeping, he was still being a better guard than most of the guards in Camelot.

Percival wandered up to him and nudged him awake “I need your help.” he announced.

Elyan woke up slowly and blinked at him “What do you need help with?”

“Gwaine.”

Elyan snorted “There's no helping him. Your best bet is to just give him a tankard of mead and a cushioned room and wait whatever it is that's going on, out.”

Right, Elyan had not been able to attend the feast the day before. “Gwaine's gone off to fight the Green Knight. He's going to let him swing at his neck, to see if he would survive.”

Elyan stared at hm and then conceded “Yeah, that does sound like him. Why?”

Percival shrugged, “He was drunk and Arthur as about to accept the challenge and Lancelot was about to accept the challenge for him. But mostly he was drunk.”

Elyan nodded, processing everything “Why was Arthur going to say yes?”

Percival just looked at him silently.

“Right, to prove his masculinity in his misplaced sense of femininess due to liking Merlin. Which doesn't make sense, because Merlin is definitely the girl in the relationship. What do you need me to do?”

“Do, for what?” Leon asked, appearing behind both Percival and Elyan, making both freeze in fear.

“To help him with the...ladies?” Elyan replied, not looking at Leon.

Leon leveled a stern glare on both men “What are you doing?”

Elyan looked like he was going to pitch in and lie again, which Leon would just see through, so Percival stopped him by saying “We're going to go and find Gwaine and bring him back to Camelot, so he won't be able to face the Green Knight.”

Leon gave them a disappointed look and crossed his arms “Arthur said that he has to go and face the Green night, alone, and must hold up his end of the game.”

“But then he'll die.” Elyan argued.

Percival stopped him from continuing and looked into Leon's eyes “Don't tell me you're really fine with Gwaine dying. I know you two are not the best of friends, but you are still brothers in arms. Will you really let him die, just for some foolhardy game?”

Leon's eyes flitted between Percival and Elyan and then finally sighed “If we get him back and he barfs on my boots one more time I retain the right to stab him.”

Elyan raise his hand nervously “Right, about that. It might not have been Gwaine who did that last week-”

“ELYAN!”

“Hey! Hey! I'm still recovering from almost being used as a human sacrifice, remember! Ow! That actually hurts! Percival, help me!”

Percival sighed, there was no way they were going to save Gwaine at this rate. Hopefully Lancelot was having better luck.

\- - - - - 

Lancelot waited for Gwaine to finish eating his apple, watching him intently as he did so. Gwaine of course, was oblivious to this, and was focused on the apple. It was the best apple he had ever had. Was it good simply because Lancelot got it? Did apples just come running to Lancelot to surrender to the honorable cause of dying to be eaten by Lancelot?

They probably did.

As soon as Gwaine was finished he wiped his hands on his chain mail and looked Lancelot in the eye “Look, Lancey, I really appreciate you getting the apple for me, but you can't come.”

Lancelot gave him a confused look, one that was borderline cuter than a puppy, like incredibly adorab-no, stop. “Why not?”

“Because I'm going to die.”

Lancelot nodded “That's the plan.” he agreed, flippantly.

Wow. Even Lancelot didn't care that he was going to die. Would no one come to his funeral? Even Lancelot, the guy who hand transports the spiders out of the castle, so he won't have to kill them, didn't care that he was going to die. Huh. That hurt. That actually caused him physical pain.

Lancelot went on “You're going to die, and I'm going to be there for you, so you don't die alone.”

“What if I want to die alone?” Gwaine retorted.

“You don't.” Lancelot said, sounding convinced about it.

“I do.” Gwaine insisted.

Lancelot shook his head and gave him a small smile “No you don't. No one does. Trust me, I know about this stuff. I've died before, remember?”

Right. He forgot about that.

Gwaine stood resolutely “If you insist on coming with me, then I won't go.”

Lancelot sat down on the ground “Fine by me. This is the perfect spot for a picnic.”

The ball of light made itself noticed by hitting Gwaine on the head.

Really? The ball of light wanted Lancelot to come? The world as against him. Figured the ball of light would take Lancelot's side. And here he thought that they were finally bonding. See if he...she...it? What gender was it anyways?

It. 

See if it got any birthday presents from him.

Lancelot gave him a wide grin and settled down, lying down and splaying his body in front of him. Dammit. He had that grin. The 'I'm genuinely pleased with you for existing' grin. On of his nicer ones. Gwaine couldn't say no to that.

Fine. Lancelot could come. He would just have to negotiate the whole separating their life forces thing with the Green Knight, in secret...somehow. He could make it work.

Gwaine sighed and shot Lancelot a grin “Fine, you can come. First things first, this ball of light here is our guide. You shall refer to it as 'that annoying ball of light'. Because it-hey!” the ball of light had hit him in the face “And by that I mean, you shall refer to it as...nothing. Besides, you're right, if there's anyone I would like to spend my last day with, it's you.”

Lancelot grinned at him and hopped up, off the ground “I'm here for you Gwaine, no matter what.” he announced, clapping Gwaine on the shoulder and invading his personal space.

Well, that was oddly sweet. Oh no, stop thinking, he wasn't finished.

“And the same goes for you, Gwaine. If I had to chose someone, I'd chose you. I'm really glad you're allowing me to come with you. I hate the thought of you having to go through this, alone.”

Gwaine cleared his throat. Right. Well this was a little too sappy for his liking. And his chest was restricting again, and his heart beat was going really fast again. He really did need to get that looked into. Gaius would have to have a remedy for it.

What were the symptoms? It always happened whenever Lancelot was close to him, never anytime else, and it always ended when Lancelot wasn't close to him.

Oh.

OH.

Well shit.

Maybe Gaius couldn't help. 

\- - - - -

Arthur sat at the round table. Gwen sat beside him and watched him, looking like she was ready to run away at any moment. His eye twitched uncontrollably, and Gwen restrained herself from commenting on it. He was obviously not in the mood to speak.

All the other seats at the round table were empty, and it was clear that Arthur was slowly losing it. Just when Gwen thought it was safe to reach out and calm him down he yelled.

“I AM GOING TO KILL MY KNIGHTS!”

Gwen flinched backwards, maybe if she left now, he would not notice her. She slowly pushed out her chair and Arthur began to rant, banging his head on the table, each bang punctuating his words. 

“I. Am. Going. To. Kill. Gwaine. This. Is. All. His. Fault. I. Am Going. To Kill. Gwaine.”

Gwen rose from her chair and started to tiptoe, backwards, to the door.

Arthur suddenly got up and threw his chair back. There was a wild look in his eye “I am going to kill Gwaine!” he yelled, happily, he then ran out of the door “Goodbye Guinevere, I'm off to go and save Gwaine's life so I can kill him!”

That was Gwen decided that she really needed to get Arthur to admit his feelings for Merlin, before he went mad and actually killed his knights. She was pretty sure his anger was caused by all of his unresolved sexual tension. She heard him still yelling about how nice the feel of Gwaine's blood would be on his hand and realized that his craziness was also, probably inherited.

\- - - - - 

Gwaine and Lancelot trudged through the woods, together, the ball of light leading the way. The only light in the woods was the green light, the sun had set a few hours before. At first it had been awkwardly quiet, due to Gwaine having just realized that he was in love with Lancelot. (Not that it was that shocking, everyone was at least a little in love with Lancelot, how couldn-no. Bad. Stop.) But the quietness was soon remedied by Lancelot bringing up an argument that they had been having for a while.

Gwaine ran a hand through his hair, frustrated with Lancelot's assertions “Okay, listen. The banana is an herb, not a fruit. It doesn't have seeds like other fruits, therefore it's an herb.”

“It grows on trees.” Lancelot replied, equally exasperated “Therefore it's a fruit.”

“Have you even seen a banana tree?” Gwaine retorted.

“Well...no, but I know they exist.” Lancelot conceded.

“And how do you know that?” Gwaine asked.

“Well how do you think they grow?” Lancelot rolled his eyes, hopping over a low hanging branch.

Gwaine suddenly stopped and turned to Lancelot and moved his hand around to make a rainbow, and smiled widely “Magic.”

Lancelot stopped in his tracks and gave Gwaine a panicked look “You shouldn't be talking about magic, like that. What if someone heard you?”

Gwaine raised an eyebrow and motioned to the forest surrounding the both of them “Who would hear me? It's a forest Lancey the closest thing we've got to eavesdroppers is crazy, killer trees.”

Lancelot studied him curiously “Killer trees?” he asked, moving over to Gwaine and feeling the top of his head for bumps, “Are you sure you're feeling alright? You didn't hit your head when you fell into the ditch, did you?”

Gwaine moved his hand away, because it was causing a weird feeling in his stomach and replied, bitingly “Why is it you people never believe me? I always turn out to be right. Besides, you're just trying to change the subject. The point is, banana's come from magic, ask Merlin, he knows.”

Lancelot stared at him, wide eyed “He told you?” he asked.

What the heck was he talking about? Maybe he hit his head. Told him what...oh....Oh. Magic, right. Wait. Wait just a second. Lancelot knew? Seriously, Lancelot knew? Why did everyone prefer Lancelot? Why tell Lancelot and not him? He was more fun.

No. He took it back. Lancelot was tons of fun. Calm, nice, fun. Like the kind of fun you have with a bunny...or a kitten. Not a kitten. A puppy? No. A caterpillar. Yeah, a caterpillar, because caterpillars are fuzzy and they eat green stuff, and Lancelot eats green stuff and-yeah, okay, that sounded crazy to even him.

Right, Lancelot was waiting for an answer. “Told me what? That he agreed with me and that banana's do in fact from on bushes made from the magic of unicorn farts? Yes.” 

And he wondered why people thought he was crazy.

Lancelot's face screwed up in disgust “That is gross and magical at the same time.” he replied.

Gwaine nodded, “Right.”

The ball of green light had become tired with their stop and hit Gwaine on the nose, He exclaimed and clutched him nose. “Why don't you ever hit Lancelot?”

The ball of green light went back to leading the way, with Lancelot following it. Gwaine rolled his eyes, right, no one with a conscious could hit Lancelot. Did little, annoying green balls of light have consciouses? He hurried to follow the other two, before he got left alone to be lost in the forest.

When he finally did catch up with them, all there were in a clearing. It was about ten yards wide, and was in a perfect circle. In the middle of the clearing was a stump, with a sword next to it. The entire place looked like it had been flattened, there was not a single living thing until the trees, everything else was just dirt.

Curious, Gwaine wandered over to the stump and knelt down to inspect the sword. It was a nice sword, not made like any blade he had ever seen. The sword itself shone line nothing else, and had some writing in a language he did not know, written on it.

“I don't think you should be touching that Gwaine!” Lancelot yelled from the background, when Gwaine went to grab it.

Gwaine turned around, to reply, but found that Lancelot was alone. Hadn't the green light been hovering over his shoulder just a second ago? “Where'd the annoying green light go?” 

Lancelot looked around himself and frowned “I don't know, it-Gwaine!” Lancelot yelled.

Gwaine had picked up the sword and brought it close to his face, to inspect. “Relax Lancey, nothing bad is going to happen.”

Unknown to him a figure materialized behind him. He turned to Lance and held out the sword “Look at this, this is amazing. Why don't we get swords like this? We should ask Arthur for some. It's really shiny.”

“I know.” a voice said from behind him.

Gwaine jumped and turned around the see the Green Knight, towering over him. Had he gotten taller? Stupid magic. He should be able to use magic to make himself taller. Then he could be taller than Percival. Nope. That wasn't possible. Dammit Gwaine, stay focused.

“Heh heh, right. Sorry about that, here you go.” Gwaine said, handing the sword back to the Green Knight “Please keep in mind that I didn't know it was yours when you chop my head off. Speaking of me dying, I have a little request before we go on with the game.”

“Yes?” the Green Knight replied, unemotional.

Well at least he didn't sound like he wanted to kill him. That was a good sign.

“You see, I kind of have this little thing that might do this thing so when a thing happens to me that person that I have this thing with might get hurt, and by might I mean will. So if you can undo the thing and prevent the other person from being hurt in the process, that would be great.” Gwaine explained as vaguely as possible, not wanting Lancelot to catch on to what he was saying.

There was a tense pause. The Green Knight nodded.

“Great! That's ummm...great! Isn't there supposed to be some spell or something you do, to umm, get rid of the thing.” Gwaine waved his hand in a so on manner.

The Green Knight held out his hand and a green (shocker) light bathed Gwaine and Lancelot. It was gone just as soon as it appeared. Gwaine really hoped that Lancelot had not noticed it. He glanced over and Lancelot looked just as confused as before. Good, that would have been awkward to explain.

“Well, that's great. In which case, I guess we can get on with the beheading. Daylight's a wasting. Don't want to die in the dark. Ummm...I'll just put my head down then.” he said, kneeling next to the stump.

He gently set his head on the stump an then closed his eyes. The next few seconds of his life happened in a flash.

He thought about his dad, his mom, Merlin, Percival and Lancelot. Lancelot, who he realized was standing in the clearing with him, waiting for him to die. He felt himself relax a little bit at that. If he had to die, he as glad Lancelot was at least there with him.

I'm going to be there for you, so you don't die alone.

Well that was nice of him. Yeah, he guessed he did prefer this to dying alone.

He heard the Green Knight's chain mail shift, a sure sign that he was raising his sword. Well this was it, he had no regrets. Except for never getting that Lancelot hug. Maybe he could get one in the afterlife. Would he get an afterlife? 

“Wait!”

Gwaine's eyes flew open, and both he and the Green Knight flinched. He looked over and saw Lancelot running over to him, look of extreme grief on his face. What was he sorry about?

“I offer myself instead.” Lancelot said, rushed, “I'll play the game in his place.”

Right. Lancelot being a self sacrificial idiot. He really should have seen that coming.

Gwaine got up and glared at Lancelot, pushing him back “No you don't.”

Lancelot frowned at him and steadied himself and looked earnestly at the Green Knight, who stood unmoving “Yes I do. I offer myself in his place.”

Gwaine shook his head “No you don't.” he turned to the Green Knight “No he doesn't. Ignore him, he does this kind of stuff a lot. We think he's harboring an addiction to making stupid decisions. You should just ignore everything he says.”

Lancelot crossed his arms “I don't harbor any kind of addiction at all.” he replied with a pointed look.

Oh, just rub in he alcoholism in then, why don't you. Jerk. Not jerk, he took I back, there was no way that Lancelot was a jerk. If anything he was the anti-jerk. Woah, mental pictures.

“I offer myself in his place.”

Gwaine shoved him away, this time actually making him fall. “Yes, we heard you the first time. Now please, let me die in peace.” he placed his head back on the block “Give me your worst Leaf Man.”

This time the Green Knight did not even move. Instead he just watched as Lancelot got up off the ground and tackled Gwaine to the ground. The two rolled around in the clearing for a little while, battling for dominance. Neither took a shot at the other or kicked or bit, but they did shove at each other and try to pin the other down. 

The Green Knight was not amused.

Okay, maybe just a bit.

Gwaine finally managed to get on top of Lancelot and sit on him, pinning his arms own with his hands. He could get used to that position. But this was not the time to be thinking about that. This was the time to be making sure Lancelot didn't do anything else stupid. He shifted and grabbed a piece of rope that made mysteriously appeared out of nowhere.

Seriously, was that there before? Right, who cares.

He made quick work of tying up a protesting Lancelot and then stood up and walked back to the stump. Lancelot yelled after him to not do what he was trying to do. But considering the fact that the knots that tied him up, left him in a little ball and all he could do was roll around angrily on the ground (which was absolutely adorable) (No it wasn't, shut up) he didn't take anything he said seriously.

Gwaine grinned up at the Green Knight “Well, now that, that's over, I say we get to the whole beheading thing.”

He placed his head back onto the stump, only to have the entire thing interrupted again. This time it was by three knights who stumbled out of the forest, looking terrible.

They all landed in a heap on the ground, once again diverting Gwaine's attention from his task. By this point Gwaine was close to fed up with people interrupting his big death scene. This was supposed to be all about him, not all of them coming and saving him. If they saved him, then the songs written about the event would focus on how he was a damsel in need of rescuing, which he was not. He may have the hair for it, but the was not a damsel in distress.

Evidently, no one else knew that.

Percival heaved himself off the ground and pointed his sword at the Green Knight “I am here to take Sir Gwaine's place.”

Leon stood up next to him, leaning on him for support “I am here to take Sir Gwaine's place.”

Elyan stood up last “I am here to-yeah. Nope. I'm going to sleep now.” he then passed out.

Apparently he was still recovering, they really should have left him back at the castle.

Percival swayed a bit “We are here to offer ourselves for Gwaine.”

Leon nodded tiredly “I'm still not sure how you guys convinced me to do this. We are going to be in so much trouble. We broke at least five separate laws and committed treason by disobeying the King. I need ale.”

Well at least Gwaine and him could agree on one thing.

Gwaine couldn't help but wonder why they had to be his rescue party. They couldn't get anyone else? Really? Well, then again, why would anyone want to rescue him? Come to think of it, it was kind of touching that all of them would offer their lives for him

Stupid, but touching.

Lancelot piped up, from his place on the ground “I already tried offering myself, he tied me up! Keep away from him, he'll attack you!”

“I attacked you for your own good!” Gwaine yelled back, “Besides, you tackled me. We're even.”

Leon staggered forward and pulled out his sword “He can't be any worse than those killer trees. How can such helpful things be so evil? This is why hippies piss me off. They're all, love trees and love the world. Yeah, well, the world and trees don't love us back. I hate killer trees.”

“You saw them too! Gwaine exclaimed happily.

Right, not the time to be thinking about that. Focus Gwaine, you need to somehow get out of all of this, without anyone dying. Well without anyone else dying. Good. This should be fun. It's not like everyone here has a death wish. Oh, wait.

Leon went over and untied Lancelot while Percival approached the Green Knight. He held out his sword, so that it poked his chest, “I will take my friends place. He was not in his right mind when he made the agreement.”

Gwaine swatted away his sword and pushed in, to get between him and the Green Knight, “Let's be fair Perce, I'm never in my right mind. How about you guys all let this drop and I get beheaded. How does that sound? Personally I like that idea.”

Percival gave him a bewildered look and thought about something, then decided to just ignore everything Gwaine had just said and looked back at the Green Knight “Do you accept my offer?”

“No, no he does not.” Gwaine frowned, attempting to push Percival away, but not actually moving him an inch.

Lancelot finally got up, shrugging the last of the rope off of himself “I offer myself in his place.”

“No you don't!” Gwaine exclaimed, frantically, “He doesn't. He really doesn't. None of them do. You see, they all suffer from this disease, Self Sacrificial Nobleman Syndrome. SSNS for short. It's a terrible tragedy, it really is. But you see, it makes it so, they always offer themselves up to die, without truly understanding what it means.”

“That doesn't exist.” Leon frowned.

“Yes it does, shut up.”

“No it doesn't.”

“I will hit you.”

“I'm on the other side of the clearing.”

“Regardless.”

While this was going on, no one noticed Lancelot walking over to the Green Knight and tapping him on the shoulder. “I am prepared to die for Gwaine. Please, take my life for his.”

Gwaine picked up on the last of it and was struck by many things all at once. One, that Lancelot was doing this because he actually cared, not just because he was a good person. Two, that was incredibly scary, what had he done to deserve that? Three, there was no way Lancelot was dying for him. Four, he and Leon argued a lot, they should really get counseling for that.

Maybe he could get Percival to do that for him. Shut up-focus. Lancelot was about to die.

HOLY BURNING APPLES LANCELOT WAS ABOUT TO DIE!

There had to be a way to fix this. There was no way he could convince the others to not risk their lives for him. It was the stupid SSNS syndrome. There had to be a cure for it. Maybe a really strong blow to the head? That would be fun. Even if it didn't work it would be fine. Of course, then Leon would probably kill him.

The man had a strange fascination with weapons. Plus he didn't want to hit Lancelot on the head, it was probably a sin. Are actions sins or are thoughts sins? Not the point. The point was, he couldn't hit Lancelot over the head, but he couldn't let him die either. 

Dilemma.

He was saved form having to make a choice on what to do, by the appearance of someone he had never thought was going to come and save him.

On the side of the clearing, where Elyan slept, stood Dragoon the Great.

He raised his staff and said in his most commanding voice “I am here to-”

“Let me guess.” Gwaine cut him off “You're here to sacrifice yourself in place? Well get in line. We don't even know each other, why are you here?”

Dragoon scowled at him “You and I share a common enemy.”

“Wrinkles?”

“What?” Dragoon backpedaled “No.”

“Balding?”

“No, shut up. Not wrinkles, not balding.” he then shook his head, deciding that Gwaine was too stupid to talk to “Now, as I was saying, I am here to offer myself for Sir Gwaine.”

“Knew it!” Gwaine exclaimed, pointing at him “I called it! Didn't I call it? Well guess what you 'mean old man who is very suspicious' I don't need saving. Because, just in case anyone actually cares, I am not a damsel in distress and I don't need saving. And before you ay it, I do not have the hair for it. Shut up Leon.”

“I didn't say anything.”

“You were thinking it. Now, if you all could just stop being so God damn noble, I would appreciate it. I'm supposed to die today, and you are all ruining it for me.”

Well, that shocked them into silence, good. Though they did look slightly worried. Maybe not so good. Whatever, that wouldn't mater for long, now would it. Okay, focus. They were all still, this was the perfect time to keep up the deal. 

Gwaine approached the Green Knight, but just as he was about to tell him to get on with the beheading, a blue light hit the Green Knight in the chest and knocked him off of his feet. Gwaine turned around and saw Dragoon, with his stick pointed at the Green Knight.

Really?

Was he really just saved by a cranky old man?

No way, if he was going to be saved it was going to be by a hot knight. Not a cranky old man who likes to hit people and has terrible hair. No, he wanted to be saved by Lancelot. Speaking of.

Lancelot and Percival had lunged at the Green Knight and both were busy fighting him. Both looked like thy were having a hard time fighting him, yet it seemed like the Green Knight was barely breaking a sweat. That was bad ass. Every now and then a burst of blue light would come from Dragoon's scepter (stick) and hit one of them.

He did not have very good aim.

Leon and Gwaine watched on, both with varying degrees of disappointment in the other knights, for hat was going on.

Okay, that's it. It was time to put a stop to all of this.

Gwaine walked over to where Dragoon was and hit him over the head. Dragoon staggered a bit and then turned and glared at him “What was that for?”

Gwaine snatched the staff away from him “I've always wanted to do that. That's what you get for accusing people of having ale in their ears, you clotpole.”

“That's my word!” Dragoon protested.

Wait. Wait. WHAT? Dragoon was Merlin? What the-no. Later. Wow. Merlin did not make a good looking old man. No-focus. He bet he would have made a better looking old man.-no-stop. Focus. seriously how many secrets did Merlin have? Was he also secretly a girl?

Come to think of it, he would make a nice girl. He should try cross dressing at come point.

Focus.

Gwaine rolled his eyes, ignoring the way that Dragoon had stopped and looked like he was about to pee himself “Actually that's Merlin's word. Now, if you don't mind I have to go and do the noble thing and die for Arthur and Lancelot.”

Gwaine then walked over to the middle of the clearing and raised the staff above his head. He pointed it skyward and willed for it to do something. Sure enough a large shot of white light shot out from it, making a crack like thunder. Woah. Did not see that coming.

Everyone stopped and stared at him. The Green Knight pushed off Percival, but he was too busy staring at Gwaine to really care.

“Okay.” Gwaine started lowering his arm “Now that I have your attention, I have to say that I am not a sorcerer. And that all of you have to stop fighting, because lets face it, he can totally take all of you. An there is no way any of you can take my place. I made this agreement, I have to keep it. Back me up, Leon.”

Leon nodded slowly, not sure if he should or not.

“See. Now, Percival, we've been through a lot together. This is one thing I have to do on my own.” Percival nodded reluctantly and moved away from the Green Knight “And Lancelot-”

“No.” Lancelot shook his head, “You're not dying.”

“Well that's very noble of you, but-”

“This isn't about being noble.” Lancelot retorted, a look of genuine frustration and anger crossing his face, a look Gwaine had not seen before, and was honestly disturbed by “This is about us being friends. I don't want to see you die. I would die before that.”

Alright, that's it, his heart was about to explode. This was definitely emotion overload. Why did Lancelot have to look so earnest when he said that? Was he blushing, were they both blushing? No one was ever going to let this go. He was going to be teased about this for ages. Why did Percival look so damn pleased with them? Wow, that blush looked really nice on Lancelot.

No, stop. Lancelot was tricking himself into this. It was his damn nobleness again.

“Gwaine.” Lancelot started, but Gwaine shook his head.

“No. You were supposed to come with me to keep me company, not to try and kill yourself.” he turned to the Green Knight “Can't you do something about this? Like restrain them somehow?”

The Green Knight tilted his head and snapped his fingers. Immediately a bunch of rope appeared and wrapped itself around Leon, Percival, Lancelot and Dragoon, tying all four together. Elyan was still left on his place on the ground.

Gwaine nodded and tossed away the stick, and walked over to the stump, kneeling next to it. “Great. Next time, let's start with that, yeah? Can we make this as quick as possible? You know, before Gaius comes here and tries to offer himself, also.”

Gwaine nestled his head on the stump and this time the sword did come down. But it came down next to his head. He waited another few seconds but hen nothing else happened he opened his eyes to see the sword still sticking out of the stump, next the his head.

“No offense or anything, but I think you don't fully understand how to chop off a person's head.” he said, sitting up.

Wait, that was his one try. And he was alive. Well good, that was great, he could live to drink ale another day.

The Green Knight pulled his sword out of the stump and placed it back in his scabbard. “You have shown that you have a good heart.” Gwaine snorted, “I have a warning for you.”

Figures. You can't ever just survive something. Nope. Right after you live you have to be told of another perilous journey that you have to go on. Aw, who was he kidding, he preferred it that way.

“Morgana has a plan.” figures, it's always Morgana, “She is looking for an ancient relic, one that can bring on the end of time if she has it.”

Gwaine looked at him, expectantly “ When is she not? Is there anything else? You know, any other information you want to share? Like what the relic is?”

Instead of answering the Green knight disappeared, taking the rope away, with him. All three knights and Dragoon tumbled away from each other. Leon made to grab Dragoon, but he ran off, Leon chasing him, both running in circles around the clearing. Leon yelling about how Dragoon had to face charges back in Camelot and Dragoon laughing at him, making fun of him for not being able to out run an old man.

Percival went over and checked on Elyan, to see if he was still breathing and Lancelot went over to Gwaine and nearly went for a hug, but thought better of it and instead clapped him on the back. Which was too bad, because Gwaine could have really used the hug.

Lancelot grinned at Gwaine “I'm glad you're alive.” he said.

“Back at you.” Gwaine replied, nervously.

Really? Back at you? That was the best thing he could come up with? No, he had an excuse, he nearly got a hug from Lancelot. That was a good enough reason for anyone to sound stupid. Right, the were still talking to each other.

“But, if you ever do something like that again, I will personally lock you in the stocks and never let you out again.”

Oo, kinky. 

No, bad. Stop.

Gwaine grinned back at him “Same goes for you. Next time I try to sacrifice myself, promise to not come and try and sacrifice yourself for me? It just makes the whole sacrifice thing really confusing.”

Lancelot opened his mouth to say something but as cut off by the sound of a large crash. Both looked around to see Arthur on the ground, panting heavily, muttering about thorns and bushes, and...rabbits?

Arthur got up and looked around woosily, probably not actually seeing anything “I am here to offer myself-”

“We already went through all that.” Gwaine cut in, holding back a laugh at Arthur's state “I'm okay, no one's dead, and Morgana's scheming.”

Arthur blinked slowly “Okay. In which case, I'm here to kill Gwaine and sentence all of the rest of you to at least a week in the stocks.” he then looked around and saw Leon chasing Dragoon “Dragoon!” he yelled, and joined in the chase “I'm going to kill you!”

“Good luck with that, fatso!” Dragoon yelled back.

“I'm not fat!”

These were the people who were supposed to rescue him? Really? A trained, circus pig would probably have been better at it.

CRASH. BOOM. BANG.

Scratch that, a trained pig would have definitely been better at it.

\- - - - -

When they all got back to the castle (minus Dragoon who had somehow run away from them and disappeared into the woods) Arthur had somewhat calmed down He had acknowledged that it made no sense to try and kill Gwaine for his other knights acting up. The first thin that he had done when they got back was go to the dungeons and release Merlin, who then proceeded to convince him to not put anyone in the stocks.

It was an amazing feat and all the Knights stood in silent wonderment, when they watched him do it. Of course, after all this had happened, they realized that Gwaine and Elyan probably needed medical attention. So the two of them had been taken to Gaius's chambers and deposited on two beds. Elyan then promptly fell asleep, leaving Gwaine alone with his thoughts.

He reflected that he seemed to end up in Gaius's chambers a lot.

It was while he was playing a thumb war with his hands (his right hand winning) that the room door opened, to reveal a very happy looking Lancelot, who was holding a book.

“What's that?” Gwaine asked, curiously, shifting around in the bed.

Lancelot walked over and sat on the edge of the bed and gave him a serious look “First off, we are going to talk about your death wish later on. But, right now, I would just like to point out that a banana is a fruit.” he said, shoving the book in front of Gwaine's face.

And sure enough, right on the page was a picture of a banana, with the word fruit written next to it. Well, alright then.

Gwaine shook his head “That doesn't prove anything.”

Lancelot's face screwed up in confusion “Yes it does.”

“Nope. That could have easily been faked. I say it's an herb.”

Lancelot rolled his eyes “You really are insufferable. If you want to see real herbs, I'll show you them, outside,”

Gwaine gestured to himself “In case you haven't noticed, I'm not allowed to leave. If I so much as get out of bed Gaius will pop out of one of his many hiding spots and yell at me, and give he his disappointed eyebrow.”

“You won't be stuck here tomorrow.” Lancelot pointed out.

“Well... no.”

Lancelot flashed him a grin and slammed the book shut, standing up “Great, see you tomorrow at lunch time. I'll bring a picnic basket. It's a date.” and with that he walked out of the room.

Id he just say date? Like a date, date? Or just a meeting of two friends date?

“Lancelot? What kind of date?”

He didn't get a response, Lancelot was long gone.

Well, great.


End file.
